xx. the boy with the thorn in his side

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[attr="class","lyr1"]cause i'm awake

[attr="class","lyr2"]all night

[attr="class","lyr3"]?

[attr="class","lyr4"]long to the drums

[attr="class","lyr5"]`

[attr="class","lyr6"]of the

[attr="class","lyr2"]city rain

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tag: @erin // wordcount:

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Despite everything that had been said and done, Fitz still had some minor concerns. That was only part of the reason he found himself down the street from AC's campus, posed at the door of Jonas and Erin's apartment ready to knock. After staying over in his dorm and nearly being glued to his side for the last two days, his boyfriend hadn't had the time to stop and pick up his textbooks. Well, that was partly Fitz's fault. He'd all but forced Jonas to get out of bed and go to class this morning. Thankfully the other man's first class didn't much require their book, but the class immediately afterwards did. Which provided Fitz with a good opportunity to do a good deed and finally put a name to a face.[break][break]
Rapping his knuckles on the door a couple times, he waited for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. To be quite honest, he wasn't quite sure what to say to her. Maybe a selfish part of him wanted to assure himself she was alright, just to eliminate any guilt that might've lingered in his brain, leftover from essentially stealing her boyfriend. Another part just wanted to meet the girl that had stepped up for Jonas when he needed it, to thank her for taking care of him when Fitz all but fell off the face of the planet, another thing he felt inherently guilty about and probably always would. Perhaps he'd apologize to her instead, for the hurt he'd caused and the pieces that had needed to be picked up as a result.[break][break]
Fitz shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, stepping back just so as the door swung open. As it did, he met Erin's gaze, and offered a shy smile. At first she looked confused, but then a look of recognition crossed her features and she gave him a welcoming smile, stepping back to let him into the apartment and simply saying, "You must be Fitz. Come in!" Toran gave an awkward sort of nod, and laughed quietly. "I see my infamy precedes me." He joked, stepping forward to cross over the threshold.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]cade are you talking to yourself? yes. yes i am.

KAY

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tag: @fitz // wordcount: 411

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At the knock, Erin abandoned her half drained cup of coffee on the table. It was a pleasant distraction from the homework she'd been chained to for the last hour. Even more so when she opened the door and came face to face with a boy who looked to be around Jonas' age, if she had to guess. It took a moment, but putting the pieces together in her head, she realized almost immediately who it was. With a smile, she invited him into the apartment, opening the door fully to let him slip past her through the doorway as she closed it behind him. Laughing lightly at the well placed joke, she shook her head.[break][break]
"Oh, where are my manners. I'm Erin. Would you like some coffee?" She asked, leading him into the kitchen and motioning for him to sit at the table. Regardless of his response, she took a mug off the caddy above the sink, setting up the keurig and letting it do it's work. Erin stepped over to the table, leaning on it for a moment while the coffee machine sputtered to life in the background. "It's so nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much." He gave her an awkward smile at that, and she giggled, adding: "Only good things. Mostly. I promise." It seemed to ease the tension he was under, if just a little bit. She reminded herself of the conversation she'd had with Jonas the other day. Fitz didn't like being vulnerable. Keeping that in the forefront of her mind, she decided to try and initiate the conversation instead of leaving it to him. It was semi clear what he was here for. [break][break]
In light of what had indirectly transpired between them, it made sense that he'd perhaps come to make amends with her, as unnecessary as that was. Erin appreciated it anyways, if anything it earned him a point in her book. "I have a hunch, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but you're here to talk about," she gestured between herself and him, "the thing. With Jonas. I just want to let you know ahead of time I'm not upset. I'm honestly just so happy  to see he's happy." With the ice essentially broken, she noted the way he seemed to perk up, eyes shining. With an encouraging smile, she gave him a quick pat on the shoulder, going to retrieve the coffee that had finished brewing.

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KAY

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"Coffee would be fantastic." He answered, taking a seat at the high top dining table. He was honestly a little bit surprised. Granted, he wasn't sure exactly how he expected this all to go, but he definitely expected less...hospitality. More anger maybe? But Erin seemed to be the embodiment of sunshine. Fitz tried to imagine the saint like patience she must've had, but was interrupted in his thoughts at the comment she made, about hearing so much about him. With a tight smile, he was about to answer, when she made a little joke. It was welcome, and it took a little bit of the weight he was feeling off his shoulders. "You don't have to lie to me." He laughed, his thin smile from before stretching into a genuine one. [break][break]
It was as if she could see right through him. He might've been more visibly shocked if he hadn't been searching for a way to answer her assumptions about his visit. The last bit stuck with him as well. She wasn't upset. She was happy that Jonas was happy. It hit home a little too hard for him and he couldn't help but admire her. If he'd been a little weaker, perhaps he might've even been jealous or insecure at how gracious she was. But it was genuinely a relief that Jonas had someone like her in his life and it soothed his soul just a little. "Uh. Yeah. No that hit the nail pretty much on the head." He laughed, eyes dancing. Fitz turned his head to follow her with his eyes across the kitchen as she went to retrieve the coffee. "I...also came to pick up Jonas' textbooks for his next class. I more or less had to kick him out to make him go to class this morning, so it's kinda my fault he didn't have them." He added with a bemused tone.[break][break]
She returned and slid the coffee towards him, taking her own seat across from him. He wrapped his cold fingers around the warmth of the mug, soaking the heat in best he could. "Um. Sorry I'm not really good at these things." He said genuinely, reaching up to rub at his neck nervously. "I just. I wouldn't have felt right if I hadn't gotten to introduce myself, make amends, and I guess um...ask your blessing? Wait that sounds weird and bad. Words aren't really my thing." He chuckled, rolling his eyes at himself. "I know Jonas said you guys decided you were better as friends. And I trust him wholeheartedly, I wouldn't undermine him purposely by checking with you on the validity or whatever. I just...I would feel more comfortable just talking about it with you. Plus I'm sure you're eager to grill me. I know I would be in your situation."

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]oh god i hope this is a good thread

KAY

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As she set the coffee in front of him and took her seat, she listened intently, watching him struggle to find the words. After he'd finished, she nodded, with another encouraging smile. "No, I get it completely." She assured, taking a sip of her lukewarm coffee quickly before taking her turn to speak from the heart. "To be completely honest with you, I think I knew for a while how Jonas felt for you. Until the other day though, I don't think I fully realized it though. But it made complete sense once I stopped and thought about it." She mused, looking contemplative for a moment. Her smile came back full force, and she met his gaze. "I don't think I have to tell you, I'm sure you know, but he loves you. A lot." With a pause, she mirrored him in wrapping her fingers around her own mug.[break][break]
"Admittedly though...I...I do have my concerns. Jonas is my friend, obviously, and I've seen him suffer good and bad days alike the last few years. I just need to be sure you're not..." Erin paused once more, stopping to reword her thought. "I don't want to see him hurt, y'know? After...all that happened between the two of you, he was really broken for a while. I just don't want to see him suffer anymore. You both deserve happiness. I want you two to be happy, preferably together. But if that's not an option for you, I need you to figure it out now. Like, at this table, right here and now." Her voice took on a firmness, but it wasn't unkind. More a gentle warning than anything. She didn't have anything against Fitz, not in the slightest. However, she felt a strong protectiveness over Jonas. Of course, he was an adult and could make his own decisions at the end of the day, but if she could ease his burden even just a little bit she'd do it in a heartbeat. [break][break]

Of course, Fitz didn't owe her anything. Erin understood that well. She was thankful that he seemed to want to build a friendship between him and herself. Appreciative that so far he seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. Looking at him she could see the teenager that Jonas had known, the explosive and emotionally stunted boy, seemed to have grown quite a bit. Which was a good sign. He was progressing towards being more open, towards changing. And that gave her hope for them.

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KAY

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Her concerns were absolutely valid. He'd been gone for what? Three or four years? She'd been helping pick up some of the pieces during that time. Fitz didn't blame her for her investment in their relationship. If anything, it was almost comforting. Mirroring her, he took a drink of the coffee she'd made, letting it warm him from the inside out. Fitz was honestly sort of shocked at how easily all of this was going. As he listened to her concerns, he dropped his eyes to the table with a solemn nod, thinking back to the car accident, and everything that transpired afterwards. [break][break]
"Fitz, wake up. They'll be here any minute and they'll take you to the hospital. You've got to wake up." Jonas was sobbing. He was too out of it to even coherently formulate a response, but felt the need to reach out and soothe the tears away strongly, eyelids drooping until they finally closed. [break][break]
Fitz had heard it in his nightmares, every night for the last few years. That broken sob, and the quiver in Jonas' voice as he kept trying to rouse him until the ambulance showed up. An involuntary shudder passed through him, and he met Erin's eyes across the table once more. "I can assure you. No, I promise you, that I don't ever intend to leave him ever again." He said, his voice breaking for a moment with pain. "I lost a piece of myself the day." Erin reached her hand across the table to console him, placing it gently on top of his. [break][break]
"I'd do anything to keep him. Even if he didn't want me anymore I think...I don't think, I know I'd never be able to let go." He said, adding a harsh laugh at the end. "I need you to know. I didn't even want to leave him after the accident. But...I was just a kid. John was threatening to put me away for years. It seemed like the right choice at the time, until I could recover at least." His eyes started to mist, and he rested his forehead in his other hand, propped up by his elbow on the table. Fitz could feel the shame coming in again, like a familiar old friend. He'd thought about all of this a lot, he'd had no other choice in the time between then and now. "I...still don't know if I was right or not. To be honest with you, I didn't think I was going to make it out of that hospital bed. I knew if I did though, I'd have a better chance of seeing him again if I wasn't in jail."

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KAY

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[attr="class","lyr1"]I won't let you, let

[attr="class","lyr2"]you give up

[attr="class","lyr3"]+

[attr="class","lyr4"]on a miracle when

[attr="class","lyr5"]!

[attr="class","lyr6"] it might

[attr="class","lyr2"]save you

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tag: @fitz // wordcount: 406

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Hearing his voice break tugged ruthlessly at her heart strings, and she automatically reached out to try to comfort him. Though she hadn't intended on reading his emotions, she allowed herself to, just to get a handle on what exactly he was dealing with. Erin was immediately overwhelmed with the shame, the guilt that he'd been carrying. She imagined with the intensity of it, it'd been there ever since the accident.  Her brows pulled into a concerned frown, all suspicion about Fitz gone, replaced with an ambition to help him. Even if just a little bit. [break][break]
As he finished his last thought, she gave him a tight smile, filled with sympathy. Choosing her words carefully, she met his eyes again and took a deep breath. "Fitz...I think you need to be kinder to yourself." She started, closing her eyes for a moment. "You went through a traumatic experience, and...someone took advantage of that. Of you. Exploiting your fears. Like you said, you were just a kid. No kid should have to deal with that." Her frown became more pronounced, as a righteous anger found it's way into her tone. "You did what you could with the situation you were dealt. You shouldn't blame yourself for that. You're not responsible for what happened. In my opinion, John should be the one locked away for what he did to you and Jonas, prying you two apart and treating you like game pieces." Her lip curled at the thought and she squeezed his hand.[break][break]
Erin forced herself to relax a little bit, shaking her head as if she could shake the anger away. "You have my 'blessing', so-to-speak. We really need to find a better word for that." She laughed, trying to inject a little humor into what had ended up becoming so dire, taking her hand from his and doing little air quotes at the choice of words. "I'll stop mom-ing you after this I promise, but, I just...I want you to focus on healing. You and Jonas have been given an beautiful opportunity. Don't let old hurts taint that for you. You deserve to be okay." In closing, she took another drink of her coffee, glancing at the clock on the stove. They'd been talking for forty-five minutes. Erin made a mental note of that, and scooted out of her chair, darting off to grab Jonas' backpack from the bedroom as she listened for his response.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]n/a

KAY

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[attr="class","lyr1"]cause i'm awake

[attr="class","lyr2"]all night

[attr="class","lyr3"]?

[attr="class","lyr4"]long to the drums

[attr="class","lyr5"]`

[attr="class","lyr6"]of the

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His brows knitted together, drawing up in a mixture of surprise and leftover shame. Meeting her eyes, he wondered if perhaps he was just that easy to see through. It was like she could search into his soul to pick out his inner emotions, and find all the right words to console the grief and self-hate. The words hit him, one after another, each one more astoundingly aware and logical than the next. Fitz was honestly amazed, and allowed the smallest of smiles to curl at his lips. The words she closed with sunk in the deepest, embedding themselves like a bullet might, metamorphosing into a mantra.[break][break]
"...You deserve to be okay."[break][break]
As if the words she'd just uttered hadn't been the weightiest thing passed between them, she got up from her seat, and traveled into the next room. For a moment, all he could do was sit there, awestruck. Like an echo the sentence ricocheted around his head. As she returned, he looked at her with appreciation, struggling to find the words to express how grateful he was for her words of wisdom. He took the bag from her, finishing his coffee in one go, and hopping out of the chair to stand beside her. "I...thank you, Erin. For...everything really. Thank you for being there for Jonas, even when I couldn't." He said, his voice quivering at the end. With a smile at her, he added, "I promise, I'll try to heal. Like you said. It...it's gonna be difficult, but I think I can manage it."[break][break]
She smiled at him while he slung his boyfriend's backpack over his shoulder. "To be honest, I'm not really the hugging type. But it's been so nice to meet you. I hope we can all hang out together. I'd be proud to call you my friend." Fitz said with a laugh, and turned, but not before looking over his shoulder at her and adding: "Thank you again. Have a good day. You deserve to be happy too." With that, he began heading to the door. As he stepped out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him, the most infectious grin lit up his features. He was nowhere close to being late, but he started running, down the stairs and out to the sidewalk. Running back to Jonas.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]END THREAD

KAY

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