xx. like real people do

[Deleted]

He couldn't bring himself to call. Couldn't even text. After that moment of complete clarity in his kitchen, Jonas moved like he was in a dream. By rights a hundred thousand thoughts should've been crashing through him, pulling him this way and that way. Instead, there was total silence and a purpose so true and sure it made his bones hum. The commute passed by, colors and sounds running together, and Jonas felt spellbound. The campus rose up in front of him in his haze. Then the dormitory's facade. Somehow he knew where to find Toran Dahl without a doubt. The foyer came next. The hall. Then the door. And in front of that door, Jonas lifted a fist, and the spell broke. He pounded on it without stopping, lips peeling from his teeth so Jonas could shout over his own, merciless knocking. "Fitz open this damn door or I'm going to kick it in, I swear to God," he bellowed, emotion gripping his voice, most readably: anger.

. . . I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask you, neither should you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do ... jonas @fitz

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As an executive decision, he'd decided to skip all of his classes for the rest of the day. Hell, if he went on feeling like this, maybe the rest of the week. After he'd managed to pick the glass out of his knuckles best as he could, and bandage up the cuts, he'd already started thinking of excuses. His first contender was simply lying and saying he had the flu. At the present moment, Fitz was lying in bed under the comforter, so at least he looked the part. No matter the distraction he couldn't get the look of hurt in Jonas' eyes out of his head. It stuck there, reminding him over and over that he had done that. Unlike before, there was no blame to be shifted. [break][break]
For hours it felt like, he laid there, eyes closed solemnly as he tried to focus on his breathing. At a loud insistent knock on the door, his breath hitched audibly and he flinched at the noise. Sitting upright in his bed, he stared at the grey metal of the door as if he'd seen a ghost. The knocking, no, pounding on the door didn't stop however. From the other side he heard Jonas' voice and the cold fingers of dread curled around his heart once more, managing to distract him finally from the hell his mind was putting him through. As much as a part of him would've been thrilled to see his best friend try to knock down the door, he knew without a shadow of a doubt he'd probably hurt himself in the process.[break][break]
Hesitantly he swung leg-first out of bed, and padded over to the door. Unhooking the chain lock and unlocking the deadbolt, he stepped back nervously, backing away until he was closer to his bed before yelling back. "It's open!" He was torn for a moment on what he was supposed to do. Ready for a fight? Deciding to at least be half prepared, his fists balled up instinctively; the cuts on his hand protesting and stinging as he did so, leaving fresh blood to bloom against the stark white bandages. Still his thoughts pulled him a hundred different directions as the door finally swung open.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]owo

KAY

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[Deleted]

Jonas's pounding didn't let up for a moment. When Fitz's voice came through the panel, his heart lunged, like it was trying to slip between his ribs and close the distance between them on its own. Jonas hesitated, wondering if it'd been open the whole time, but scowled and shouldered it aside roughly. Fitz stood out of arm's reach. Seeing him, Jonas's heart had an even more intense reaction than hearing his muffled voice. His eyes flashed dangerously, his mouth opened to say something, then his attention was snatched by the bandaged hand clutched in a fist at Fitz's side. "I-," he had started his planned words, then redirected without choosing to, "what happened to your hand?" Jonas demanded. His shoulders rose and fell with labored breath and he looked down at the scattered bits of mirror glass strewn across the floor. Jonas knew the answer at once. Concern warred with frustration and a cocktail of so many other emotions and Jonas marched forward. He shoved Fitz firmly on the chest, intending to send him sprawling back onto his bed. "You stupid idiot," he snarled. "Why didn't you tell me?"

. . . I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask you, neither should you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do ... jonas @fitz

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Rolling into his room like a storm front, Fitz could practically see what he presumed to be anger radiating off of Jonas. As the door swung shut, his best friend stood there, starting a sentence until his eyes fell to Toran's hand. He instinctively moved it behind his back in a futile attempt to hide the injury, his words stumbling as well. In the end he only managed to mumble out an incoherent, meek answer, "...angry...mirror." Jonas seemed to forget all about it in an instant however, all but stomping over to him and closing the distance he'd carefully placed between them. [break][break]
Reflexively he braced against the push, but just a little too late, ending up partly raised up on his back. Fitz looked up wildly, meeting the fury in Jonas' eyes and his own rose in response. Now it was his turn to be confused. "What in the ever loving fuck are you talking about, Parker?" He snapped, eyes flashing with his own rising anger. "Why didn't I tell you what exactly?" For what seemed like ages he glared venomously, waiting for some sort of explanation for this sudden intrusion and subsequent attack. His own chest rose and fell, but only took in thin breaths as his heart twisted painfully with fear and anger. He started to feel trapped into a corner just then, with Jonas holding all the cards evidently.[break][break]
Fitz did his best to straighten up, keeping  his eyes locked on Jonas as he backed against the window and the closed blinds. His heart pounded in his chest, loud in his ears as it did so, stuttering and stammering in the mix of emotions. Incomprehensibly, however, his throat was dry and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]owo

KAY

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[Deleted]

"Why didn't I tell you what, exactly?" Jonas had been standing there, a volcano ready to erupt, his storm of emotions tripping over one another and only managing to manifest on the outside as a righteous fury. But then Fitz said that, an indignant, almost childish demand, glaring up at him from his seat on the edge of the bed, and it was like the metaphorical wind got knocked out of his heart's lungs. He stared at Fitz, incredulous, with an expression of 'how could you not know?' Then the anger fell away, and Jonas smiled in exasperation. He shook his head, his eyes filling with tears and his lips spread in a wide, breathless smile. Jonas forced himself to lock eyes with Fitz, and tilted his head, shrugging one shoulder loosely. "I love you, asshole. Like- like in the f**king movies. Like can't breathe kind of love you." The truth of those spoken words were so profound that Jonas felt like a completely new person afterward. As though he had been waiting for that moment since he was born. To take his first real breath of life. Time stood still while Jonas waited for Fitz's reaction, but no regret, no remorse and no doubt was in him.

. . . I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask you, neither should you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do ... jonas @fitz

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He watched the expression on Jonas' face, shifting through emotions in quick succession, so fast he couldn't really tell what was going on. Finally he seemed to settle on exasperation, which was a valid response to dealing with Fitz in general, but it didn't do him any favors in trying to decipher what was happening between them. Then he saw the tears. His heart twisted in his chest angrily, but all his rage was self inflicted. Fitz was hurting Jonas without even trying now, and he felt the self loathing roll in. It paused however, seeing the smile spread over his best friend's lips, and for an instant he felt swallowed by confusion once more.[break][break]
The words that came next made everything in him freeze. He stared at Jonas for a moment, a strange look in his eyes, before his composure broke and traitorous tears slipped down his cheeks. He tried his best to tamp the hope within him down each time it rose up, but it was beginning to get unwieldy. Part of him wanted to believe it would just work out, but the realist in him said it was too good to be true. Fitz curled in on himself, doing what he could to shrink as small as he possible. "That's not fucking funny, asshole." He tried to snap, but his tone broke and warbled. If his secret wasn't out already, it was now. He tried to wipe the onslaught of tears away but he couldn't. "Did you come all the way here just to fuck with me? Because mission accomplished. Ha. Ha. There, I laughed." He forced the laugh out. But Jonas didn't look like he was kidding, and that almost made it worse.[break][break]
Struggling, he got to his knees and slid closer, his fingers curling in the collar of the other man's jacket. "Jonas I swear to god-" He started, but his voice cracked, and he hung his head as more tears came. "Don't fuck with me like this, I don't think..." Another sob broke from him, and he felt so uncomfortably vulnerable. "I don't think I can take it, if you're just joking with me."

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]>)

KAY

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[Deleted]

Jonas's understanding of his feelings for Fitz had been so sudden, and everything since then nonstop, he hadn't paused to consider how Fitz might react. Regardless, there was nothing but gentle, tearful adoration settled on Jonas's face with the direction Fitz took. Cagey, defensive, threatening, panicked. It all made so much sense, and if Jonas hadn't known he was about to smooth all of those fears away, he'd have felt his soul ache at seeing them. Fitz levered onto his knees on the bed and his fingers curled into Jonas's collar, holding him like they were about to fight. But Jonas stared down, unflinching, at the tears and longing and terror that gripped the other man. There was no way to word an answer. Jonas hadn't planned on speaking one, anyway. With slow, intentional, reverent motions, making sure Fitz didn't push away or resist, Jonas took his best friends face in his hands. He wiped away a trail of tears with one thumb, despite his own tracking lines down his face. Jonas edged forward, questioning and uncertain. His lower lip grazed Fitz's upper one, as though testing the waters. He never stopped his eye contact with him. But that was the first shift in an avalanche. The skin-to-skin contact set Jonas on fire and he dove in, slinging his arms around Fitz, his hands scrambling like a mad man in his hair and down his back. The kiss was fierce, passionate, wet in all the right ways and some of the wrong ones, urgent and totally graceless but somehow beautiful. More to breathe and stay conscious than any other reason, Jonas broke the kiss apart. He gasped heavily into Fitz's face, clasping his skull in both hands. "I'm not joking," he said, needlessly, and wheezed out a laugh at how lame he was.

. . . I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask you, neither should you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do ... jonas @fitz

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When no words came from his best friend, he looked up, face a complete mess. His skin flushed a light pink, eyes shining with unfelled tears, hair disheveled. Fitz's brows knitted together at the intimacy of having his tears wiped away, but he didn't waver or push away. The hope in his heart crept higher, and he tried to bury it again, but this time it wouldn't stay down. He felt everything in him come to a grinding stop as Jonas leaned closer and tentatively pressed their lips together. A stray tear slid down his cheek, eyes staying trained on Jonas's, until the floodgates seemed to open.[break][break]
His eyes squeezed shut, and his hands tangled in soft brown hair, seeking to draw the other boy as close as he could manage. All of the emotions trapped beneath his pessimism and fear broke out, ricocheting around his head. Fitz didn't even bother to put up a fight, letting Jonas claim him with the kiss, unwilling to let go for fear it would be the last one he ever got. Eventually they had to break for air, much as he could've died happily right there in his best friend's arms. Again. [break][break]
An involuntary whimper left him at the loss of contact, and that alone brought a sheepish blush to his face, feeling the embarrassment well within him. Fitz's chest rose and fell laboriously, and he dared to open his eyes, meeting familiar bright blue in return. Hearing Jonas' laugh sent a shock wave of relief through him, assuring him this was real, this was happening. Still, he searched the other man's face for a moment, daring to trust in the validity of the kiss once he found nothing out of place. "Every day..." He gasped, "Every day since we were sixteen, Parker." Pushing his forehead against Jonas', he closed his eyes once more. "At first it was easy. I just lied to myself, tried to push it out of my head, chalk it up to being young. But after that week, I couldn't lie anymore." A harsh laugh left him, but the bitterness within it didn't sting and bite like usual. It was thoroughly subdued, and filtered with a hint of amusement rather than fear and dread like it had been for so many years.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]<3

KAY

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Their eyes met again and Jonas's fingers instinctively clutched more at the other man's hair. Fitz spoke, voice raspy and furrowed by emotion and breathlessness, and Jonas's heart squeezed. He'd seen it, with that moment of clarity that'd changed everything. Looked back and seen the way Fitz felt for him. The way he felt for Fitz. His best friend pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. Jonas shed fresh tears out of sheer happiness, then closed his own eyes and nuzzled into their embrace. "After that week," Fitz said and Jonas knew which one he was talking about. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm so stupid and it took me so long." Jonas rubbed the side of his noes against Fitz's, then couldn't fight it any longer. He caught another kiss and, during the wrestling of it, crawled onto his knees onto Fitz's bed so that they were both kneeling there, clutching at each other. Every time their lips left each other for more than a half-second, Jonas murmured another apology, stringing them together like pearls and hanging them around Fitz's neck.

. . . I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask you, neither should you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do ... jonas @fitz

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Desperately, he shook his head at the apology, as if he could will it away. Another laugh left him, this one unmarred by bitterness. "Shut up, Jonas." He was swept up in another kiss a moment later, and he backed away shakily to make room for his best friend. Sitting back, he let his hands slip down to clutch with a white knuckle grip at the jacket again, dragging the other man with him into a more manageable position. Eventually he ended up on his back, with Jonas hovering over him braced on his elbows. In effort to stop the onslaught of apologies, he nipped lightly at his bottom lip, expressing a warning to him. If anyone was to blame, it was himself, for being too cowardly to say anything about it.[break][break]
Using what little leverage he had, he flipped them, moving into attack immediately. Eagerly he pressed burning kisses to Jonas' throat, leaving as many marks as he could to firmly read 'mine'. He didn't stay long, missing the feeling of his best friend's lips and searching his way to them blindly. When they finally met, the sheer passion in him made him audibly growl, further staking his claim on the other man. Fitz's brain struggled to work through the different feelings, and sluggishly at first it came upon a particular thought that had yet to cross his mind.[break][break]
It made him freeze in his tracks, and pull away, though unwillingly. "Wait, what about Erin?" He asked, panic lacing his voice. Fitz had been so caught up in his own emotions he'd almost completely forgot about her, and the thought made the dread rise up in him once more at the thought of hurting someone he only faintly knew about. The look Jonas gave him disarmed him, however, and he paused, letting the dread wash away for a moment to listen.

[attr="class","boxo-notes"]<3

KAY

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