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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2020 5:54:30 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","skep-holder"] [attr="class","skep-tiny"] [attr="class","skep-shape"] [attr="class","skep-shape-cont"] [attr="class","lyr1"]I won't let you, let
[attr="class","lyr2"]you give up
[attr="class","lyr3"]+ [attr="class","lyr4"]on a miracle when
[attr="class","lyr5"]! [attr="class","lyr6"] it might
[attr="class","lyr2"]save you
[attr="class","skep-tag"] [attr="class","skep-tago"]
tag: @jonas // wordcount: 524 [attr="class","skep-img"]  [attr="class","skep-content"] [attr="class","ray-img"]  yesterday.......[break][break] Life was undeniably simple for Erin. She had a routine she stuck to, getting up each morning, making breakfast for herself and Jonas, seeing him off to class (if she wasn't swamped with work), and going off to class herself or work, whichever came first. If she tried, she could just about set a clock by her boyfriend. Every morning, at 8:30 sharp, he'd leave for class. And every day, class schedules permitting, he made it back to their shared apartment by 6:30 p.m. [break][break]
Evening rolled around, and she got back earlier than expected from her internship with the district attorney's office, but Jonas was nowhere to be found. She checked her phone instinctively, both to confirm the time and to check her messages. It was past 6:30, and she had one new message from Jonas, saying he didn't know when he'd be back and telling her not to worry. That only served to make her worry more, however. It was sort of unsaid between them, but their arrangement wasn't as ideal as their cutesy apartment made it seem, with all the photos of them together on various trips, and their matching coffee mugs. [break][break]
She sent him a text back, and at first she was going to leave it at that, but a cold hand of fear gripped her and she wondered if perhaps he got into an accident and was hurt, or maybe he got in trouble, or...she didn't want to think of the last thing her brain supplied as an answer. That perhaps Jonas' therapy hadn't worked as well as they'd hoped. That he'd been putting on an act not to worry anyone. That he'd gone and done something awful. A voice of reason broke through the volley of awful assumptions, reminding her that she'd made sure to check in on how Jonas was doing with her powers. He'd seemed stable that morning. It put her at ease, but not enough. [break][break]
now.......[break][break]
Waking up with an empty bed was so foreign now that for the first few minutes she was conscious, she sat in dazed bewilderment. Pushing her unruly curls back from her face, she checked the phone laying next to her, where she'd fallen asleep with it in her hand. No new messages. As if on cue, she heard the door of the apartment unlock and open. Like a flash, she was out of the bed and running into the main hall of the apartment, seeing Jonas standing at the door looking worse for wear. Erin bolted to him, wrapping her arms around him in a bone-crushing embrace, that released just as quickly.[break][break]
When she came away from the hug, she gave him a furious look, tearing up a little bit out of both relief and exasperation. "Jonas Nathaniel Parker." She started sternly, "On god, I am so glad you're okay. But you had better have a damn good explanation." Erin never cursed, but she felt a righteous fury in that moment. With the palm of her hand, she pushed away the tears the swept down her cheeks, smudging her eyeliner from yesterday as she went.
[attr="class","boxo-notes"]smol angry erin [newclass=".skep-holder"]width:500px;margin:0 auto;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);background:#e6bf05;height:280px;width:220px;position: absolute;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tiny"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);width:10px;height:6px;position:absolute;background:#4c3736;margin-left:220px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);width:180px;height:30px;position:absolute; margin-top: 226px;margin-left:320px;background:#e6bf05;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag a"]color:#fff!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-img img"]margin-top: 5px;margin-left:50px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content"]padding:90px 50px 30px 50px;font-size:9.2px;line-height:14px;font-family:arial;background:#fefefe;margin-top:-60px;border-bottom:solid 1px #eee;border-right:solid 1px #eee;border-left:solid 1px #eee;color:#555;text-align:justify;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape-cont"]position:absolute;color:#fefefe; margin-top: 60px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content b"]color:#e6bf05;font-size:9px; [/newclass] [newclass=".lyr1"]font-family:arial black;font-size:15px;letter-spacing:-1px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr2"]font-family:arial black;font-size:40px;margin-top:-20px;letter-spacing:-5px;color:#f5f5f5;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr3"]font-family:arial black;font-size:90px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-90px;margin-left:140px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr4"]font-family:arial;font-size:10px;text-transform:uppercase;letter-spacing:3px;margin-top:-5px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago"]color:#fff;margin-left:50px;margin-top:10px;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago a"]color:#fff;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr5"]font-family:arial black;font-size:70px;margin-top:-20px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-30px;margin-left:-12px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr6"]font-family:arial black;font-size:25px;letter-spacing:-1px;margin-left:25px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=.ray-img img]shape-outside:circle(45%)!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".boxo-notes"]font-family:arial narrow; background:#e6bf05; color:#777; text-align:center; text-transform:uppercase; height:60px; line-height:60px; font-size:8px; color:#fff; border:solid 1px #ddd; [/newclass] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 23, 2020 16:03:14 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 23, 2020 16:03:14 GMT
He stood at the apartment door, the key anchored in the lock, not sure exactly how he'd gotten there. Jonas was somewhere past his threshold of tolerance for emotions. Had been since fleeing campus forty-five minutes ago. He couldn't make sense of the storm of feelings inside him, and to cope his body was stalling; stunned and remote.
Jonas dreaded facing Erin, but that's not what kept him stranded on the doorstep. It wasn't a fear of his girlfriend, but of how just her anger with him would be - how much he deserved it - that would've made him hesitate going in. No, it was the tangle of confusing thoughts and emotions that wrapped in a noose around his neck from his interaction with Fitz that morning.
God, he was garbage.
Here Jonas was, about to face the righteous, loving fury of Erin and instead of thinking about her - what his caginess and avoidance the day before had done to her - he was hung up on himself. On how he'd gone asleep last night in a dream and woken to a complete inversion of it.
His thoughts chased in circles. Jonas came around, again, to the guilt toward Erin like a stitch in his side, and stumbled on it. That was enough to finally break the spell. He turned the lock, opened the door and dropped his bag under the coat rack. Jonas's eyes leveled back in the hall - and there she was.
A flash of honeyed skin and mane of curly hair, and then Jonas was clamped in a hug so tight and fierce it may have been an attack. He gasped softly into Erin's sleep-mussed locks, the familiar scent of her shampoo and the clinging remnants of her perfume from the day before made him dizzy with their familiarity and... something else. One of the countless feelings Jonas couldn't put his finger on.
Erin pushed away, leveling his full name at him. The curse that followed was all the evidence Jonas needed to grasp the gravity of the situation - Erin never cursed. And, since leaving Fitz's dorm room, Jonas looked back on his actions (or inactions) toward his girlfriend from the previous day and knew she had every right. But it was the tears that Erin batted fiercely away that fractured the boy's troubled, tempest-tossed heart.
"Rin, I'm sorry," he said in a small voice, feeling like a coward and a jerk. Not even able to meet her in the eyes, curling into himself like a child who knew they were in the wrong. Erin was owed an explanation... And it was only in that very moment that Jonas put together perhaps the largest reason he'd instinctively wanted to stay away from the apartment and his girlfriend: he'd have to give it.
"I'll explain, can we just-" Jonas looked up at her, finally. He wanted to wipe the smudged makeup away with a thumb, but simultaneously didn't feel he had the right to. "I'll make you coffee first." Half to be kind, half to put off the inevitable - God was he a coward. Jonas edged past Erin. He wanted to shoot another apologetic look at her, but resisted, and moved on auto-pilot into their apartment's small kitchen. |  . . . Don't take this the wrong way You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you ... jonas @erin |
[googlefont=Dancing Script] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 23, 2020 18:10:59 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 23, 2020 18:10:59 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","skep-holder"] [attr="class","skep-tiny"] [attr="class","skep-shape"] [attr="class","skep-shape-cont"] [attr="class","lyr1"]I won't let you, let
[attr="class","lyr2"]you give up
[attr="class","lyr3"]+ [attr="class","lyr4"]on a miracle when
[attr="class","lyr5"]! [attr="class","lyr6"] it might
[attr="class","lyr2"]save you
[attr="class","skep-tag"] [attr="class","skep-tago"]
tag: @jonas // wordcount: 564 [attr="class","skep-img"] [attr="class","skep-content"] [attr="class","ray-img"]
Something was so very obviously off-kilter with Jonas. Erin didn't need her powers to glean that from the guilty look his eyes took on, and the way he seemed to collapse in on himself. She realized that she was simply making whatever it was worse, and with the heat of the moment mostly passed as Jonas stepped aside to walk into their kitchen, she forced herself to calm down now that she knew the man wasn't in any danger. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she dried her tears and turned to trail after her boyfriend like a shadow.[break][break]
Climbing into one of the stools positioned next to the high top dining table, she watched Jonas carefully, observing the way his hands seemed to shake as he loaded a k-cup into the Keurig and set the mug underneath of it. Over the course of their relationship, her love for him had been primarily platonic in nature. The part of her that sought to protect all things good came out around him, aware that he'd been through hell and wanting to give him some sort of stability. While it was true there had been some romanticism there, it was glaringly obvious to both of them that their arrangement was tepid at best.[break][break]
That surge of protectiveness had come back with a vengeance however, and she desperately wanted to know who had hurt him this way. The only thing her brain supplied in that moment was John Parker, but she'd been around long enough to know the tell tale signs of an unpleasant interaction with Jonas' father. No, this was much different. There was a haunted look in her boyfriend's eyes as he came over to the table and took a seat, setting the coffee in front of her. From one glance she could tell he'd forgotten how she typically took the steaming drink. Reaching her hand across the table and knowing Jonas would take her hand, she didn't rush him to speak, instead letting her powers activate.[break][break]
For a moment she had to internally shield herself from the disjointed and disorganized emotions that Jonas held within him. There was a light and dark to every one that she found, excitement and sadness, relief and anger, and a earth-shattering love that she'd never before detected in him that was consumed by confusion. She did what she could to draw that tendril of emotion out, to suss out the source of it, but the confusion within him merely tightened it's vice grip. As her boyfriend began to speak, she focused on reading him all the while, trying to suss out who all these feelings could possibly be connected to until it dawned on her.[break][break]
All throughout their relationship they'd been shadowed by Jonas' grief at the loss of his friend in high school. They'd only been seventeen if she recalled correctly, and in the years since they got together any strong emotion felt on his part could be linked back to Fitz like they were tied together in a web. For a moment she appeared stunned, blindsided by the concept her brain pieced together. Without thinking, she made eye contact with Jonas and blurted out her thoughts. "He's back somehow, isn't he? Fitz?" The name tasted foreign on her lips, but it'd remained unspoken between them for so long it was as familiar as a breath to her.
[attr="class","boxo-notes"]o3o [newclass=".skep-holder"]width:500px;margin:0 auto;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);background:#e6bf05;height:280px;width:220px;position: absolute;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tiny"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);width:10px;height:6px;position:absolute;background:#4c3736;margin-left:220px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);width:180px;height:30px;position:absolute; margin-top: 226px;margin-left:320px;background:#e6bf05;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag a"]color:#fff!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-img img"]margin-top: 5px;margin-left:50px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content"]padding:90px 50px 30px 50px;font-size:9.2px;line-height:14px;font-family:arial;background:#fefefe;margin-top:-60px;border-bottom:solid 1px #eee;border-right:solid 1px #eee;border-left:solid 1px #eee;color:#555;text-align:justify;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape-cont"]position:absolute;color:#fefefe; margin-top: 60px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content b"]color:#e6bf05;font-size:9px; [/newclass] [newclass=".lyr1"]font-family:arial black;font-size:15px;letter-spacing:-1px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr2"]font-family:arial black;font-size:40px;margin-top:-20px;letter-spacing:-5px;color:#f5f5f5;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr3"]font-family:arial black;font-size:90px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-90px;margin-left:140px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr4"]font-family:arial;font-size:10px;text-transform:uppercase;letter-spacing:3px;margin-top:-5px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago"]color:#fff;margin-left:50px;margin-top:10px;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago a"]color:#fff;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr5"]font-family:arial black;font-size:70px;margin-top:-20px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-30px;margin-left:-12px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr6"]font-family:arial black;font-size:25px;letter-spacing:-1px;margin-left:25px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=.ray-img img]shape-outside:circle(45%)!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".boxo-notes"]font-family:arial narrow; background:#e6bf05; color:#777; text-align:center; text-transform:uppercase; height:60px; line-height:60px; font-size:8px; color:#fff; border:solid 1px #ddd; [/newclass] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 23, 2020 21:33:48 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 23, 2020 21:33:48 GMT
Jonas didn't know. He didn't know so many things, and most of them seemed like he ought to have the right to because they were about his own feelings and thoughts. But he didn't. Like how he wasn't sure, just then, if it was the anxiety of facing Erin, owning up to his mistakes the day before in his poor communication, or the inherent overall disorder in his chest that had him rocking with faint tremors while he made the coffee.
More to carve more time between then and when he'd have to sit opposite Erin and keep going than out of any real desire, Jonas made himself a cup after he did Erin's. He was so distracted that he dropped a few cubes of sugar from the cute dish Erin'd bought from Pier 1 Imports months ago in both cups and brought them to the hightop table.
He climbed onto his stool. Damn, he should've been ordering what he wanted to say in his mind that whole time. Instead Jonas'd just been stuck in that numb wasteland of emotion. Like he was lost and, not knowing which way to turn, stayed put, swiveling between all the possibilities.
Jonas stared into his coffee, brow furrowed and lips gnashing into one another, trying to knead words into existence in his mouth. One of his hands loosely cupped the mug in front of him, the other lay limp on the table. Erin's movement stirred some subconscious part of Jonas, and that part noted her outstretched palm and reacted on muscle memory, reaching over to drop his in hers.
"So I ran into someone yester-" he started, lame and underwhelming and lackluster, but at least they were words. But Erin cut him off, eyes flashing bright, shoulders going stiff. Jonas's mouth fell open at Erin's impeccable guess, hitting the bullseye without so much as lining up a shot. And hearing Fitz's name on her lips in a present tense was so surreal Jonas nearly fell off his stool.
He and Erin had found some kind of equilibrium together. Two wayward moons who'd sketched out a serviceable orbit around the other. But Fitz upset that careful balance. A new celestial body that threw Erin and Jonas off-kilter and, Jonas wasn't blind enough to miss, drew him into his gravitational pull.
"Yes," Jonas answered, a whispered gasp, his face lighting up, smiling in spite of everything, eyes misting just to spite him. Saying it aloud again was reassuring it was true. "I'm sorry. I was with him and," Jonas swallowed through the dryness in his throat, eyes searching the table between them, piecing the sentences together, not avoiding Erin's gaze but too preoccupied bootstrapping the whirlwind of events from the past twenty-four hours onto a framework of syllables.
"It's all so... unreal. I should've explained better. I was just... I don't know, it's like I thought if I let him out of my sight he might disappear. Like I'd wake up from a dream. I-" Jonas's gaze found Erin's again, latching onto the love and support radiating from her like a life raft. His hand in hers finally clutched back. Reaching for her in a metaphorical sense, because she had always known how to explain his turbulent heart to him better than he could to himself. | . . . Don't take this the wrong way You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you ... jonas @erin |
[googlefont=Dancing Script] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2020 2:12:25 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","skep-holder"] [attr="class","skep-tiny"] [attr="class","skep-shape"] [attr="class","skep-shape-cont"] [attr="class","lyr1"]I won't let you, let
[attr="class","lyr2"]you give up
[attr="class","lyr3"]+ [attr="class","lyr4"]on a miracle when
[attr="class","lyr5"]! [attr="class","lyr6"] it might
[attr="class","lyr2"]save you
[attr="class","skep-tag"] [attr="class","skep-tago"]
tag: @jonas // wordcount: 417 [attr="class","skep-img"] [attr="class","skep-content"] [attr="class","ray-img"] As little as she used her gift, it certainly came in handy sometimes. Just hearing her speak Fitz's name sent a wave of new emotion through him, and she recognized it as pure adoration...mixed with what she could only describe as attraction. The kind you had for someone you genuinely romantically loved, and quite the opposite of their current loving, albeit vaguely platonic arrangement. Erin smiled, encouraging the words from Jonas to help her better put the situation in perspective. [break][break]
Wading through the pauses, she let him gather his thoughts, feeling the ever shifting emotions as he pieced together the words. "Hush. Don't apologize." She answered to his apology, listening intently and watching his face work as he spoke about the events of last night. It occurred to her while she gazed at him, that he looked genuinely happy for the first time, at least in her experience with him. It only helped her tie together the remaining puzzle pieces in her mind. Jonas was in love. Disconcertingly however, he didn't seem to realize it for what it was.[break][break]
As he trailed off of his tangent, Erin leveled a supportive look at him. Still hanging on to the negative emotions that had met and intermingled with the positive. "You love him." She said simply, finishing his sentence for him and pausing to tilt her head to the side inquisitively. "But...?" It was an invitation for him to spill whatever else happened, because she had a strong feeling he'd left out what had him so upset, other than the obvious guilt, when he'd walked in just a few minutes ago. From what she remembered, corroborating stories over the past years, Fitz wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine. Regardless, the way Jonas talked about him you'd think he hung the stars in the sky. It didn't at all match up in her mind.[break][break]
"Did something...happen between you two? Like a fight?" She asked carefully, careful to avoid the accusation that question could've sounded similar to. Erin was confident that of all the things Jonas Parker was, a fantastic writer, a thoughtful friend, an all around cutie, that among those titles cheater certainly did not belong. If her intuition was to be believed, she imagined this other boy had mutual feelings, in which case...she had a decision to make. She needed more information to decide, and with an encouraging look, she urged Jonas to spill all of his troubles onto the table between them.
[attr="class","boxo-notes"]kachow [newclass=".skep-holder"]width:500px;margin:0 auto;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);background:#e6bf05;height:280px;width:220px;position: absolute;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tiny"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);width:10px;height:6px;position:absolute;background:#4c3736;margin-left:220px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);width:180px;height:30px;position:absolute; margin-top: 226px;margin-left:320px;background:#e6bf05;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag a"]color:#fff!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-img img"]margin-top: 5px;margin-left:50px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content"]padding:90px 50px 30px 50px;font-size:9.2px;line-height:14px;font-family:arial;background:#fefefe;margin-top:-60px;border-bottom:solid 1px #eee;border-right:solid 1px #eee;border-left:solid 1px #eee;color:#555;text-align:justify;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape-cont"]position:absolute;color:#fefefe; margin-top: 60px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content b"]color:#e6bf05;font-size:9px; [/newclass] [newclass=".lyr1"]font-family:arial black;font-size:15px;letter-spacing:-1px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr2"]font-family:arial black;font-size:40px;margin-top:-20px;letter-spacing:-5px;color:#f5f5f5;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr3"]font-family:arial black;font-size:90px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-90px;margin-left:140px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr4"]font-family:arial;font-size:10px;text-transform:uppercase;letter-spacing:3px;margin-top:-5px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago"]color:#fff;margin-left:50px;margin-top:10px;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago a"]color:#fff;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr5"]font-family:arial black;font-size:70px;margin-top:-20px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-30px;margin-left:-12px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr6"]font-family:arial black;font-size:25px;letter-spacing:-1px;margin-left:25px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=.ray-img img]shape-outside:circle(45%)!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".boxo-notes"]font-family:arial narrow; background:#e6bf05; color:#777; text-align:center; text-transform:uppercase; height:60px; line-height:60px; font-size:8px; color:#fff; border:solid 1px #ddd; [/newclass] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 24, 2020 19:55:26 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2020 19:55:26 GMT
Erin's support and encouragement radiated from her like sunlight; a physical force of nurturing warmth. He found, not for the first time, than he wished he could have had Erin in his life, holding his hand, advising him, being a beacon of acceptance and trust. Jonas wondered how different everything would've been, if there had been a bright spot before that scrawny sixteen year-old that sneaked into his father's car.
"You love him," she said, finishing his stuttered sentence.
Jonas's neck colored a subtle pink and his face lit up like he was borrowing some of Erin's natural luminescence and reflecting it back. "Well, yeah," he said, because wasn't it obvious? Jonas had never loved another person the way he'd loved - still loved, his mind pointed out, struggling to adjust tenses with yesterday's revelation - Toran Dahl.
And Erin knew that. Had since they'd gotten together. It'd been one of the largest contributing factors to the foundation of their relationship, actually. How she seemed to know the raw depth of Jonas's feelings for Fitz and, rather than question them or cast shadows on them, helped keep them clean and glistening like a monument dominating Jonas's soul.
"But?" Erin added. Taking his soul in hand and leading it, a child trying to learn how to walk, just like always.
The light that'd dawned on Jonas's face clouded over. Hurt cleft a fork through his eyes and his hand in Erin's went limp again. His eyes fell to his untouched coffee, which was steaming less and less as it cooled. Erin added another question - another stepping stone she lovingly laid in front of him - and Jonas swallowed. Rather than dry, his throat now was choked with tears. He shook his head and shrugged a shoulder pitifully.
"I don't think so? I don't know. I crashed at his dorm last night, and everything was good. Then I woke up this morning and..." Jonas's eyes found Erin's again. She'd always been able to make sense of his heart in just a long, studious stare and every fiber of his being begged for her to do just that in that moment. Running in a steady undercurrent to his soul's turmoil was a renewed adoration, appreciation and love for Erin the entire time.
"He barely said anything, but that was worse than if he'd been screaming. It's like he didn't want me there, like he couldn't stand to look at me," Jonas's voice broke at that and he felt a tear running, like a traitor, down his cheek. "What did I do wrong?" he asked, voice twisted cruelly and unattractively by emotion, but he was asking himself more than the woman sitting opposite him. | . . . Don't take this the wrong way You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you ... jonas @erin |
[googlefont=Dancing Script] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 24, 2020 21:46:34 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2020 21:46:34 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","skep-holder"] [attr="class","skep-tiny"] [attr="class","skep-shape"] [attr="class","skep-shape-cont"] [attr="class","lyr1"]I won't let you, let
[attr="class","lyr2"]you give up
[attr="class","lyr3"]+ [attr="class","lyr4"]on a miracle when
[attr="class","lyr5"]! [attr="class","lyr6"] it might
[attr="class","lyr2"]save you
[attr="class","skep-tag"] [attr="class","skep-tago"]
tag: @jonas // wordcount: 460 [attr="class","skep-img"] [attr="class","skep-content"] [attr="class","ray-img"]
Her heart clenched at the expression that overcast his smile from before, and she felt a righteous bit of anger within that she had to tamp down before she could get the information she needed. Erin felt every tear Jonas fought back as a personal attack, and that made it slightly more difficult, but she soothed herself by tightening her grip on his hand when he in turn loosened his. Attentively she listened to him recall the night before, watching his brows knit together as he trailed off. She met his eyes, and gave another nod of encouragement to him, smiling sadly at the hurt in his voice.[break][break]
Trying to make sense of it all, she sat back in her chair a little, looking pensive and focused for a moment. It didn't add up to her, unless Fitz had his own complicated undercurrent of emotions going on that Jonas hadn't noticed. Erin silently recalled their shared history once more, and remembered that small spats between Fitz and Jonas were nothing out of the ordinary in the past. From what she'd heard of him, Fitz was almost the opposite of Jonas, well, younger Jonas. He sounded bitter and cynical, and that to her spelled out caged emotions and an SOS flare if she ever heard it. If Fitz didn't like being vulnerable, it made perfect sense to her that he'd push people away out of fear. [break][break] At the tormented question Jonas uttered, her brows knit together and she shook her head, shushing him politely. "Jonas, don't do that to yourself." It was firm, but meant to sooth him and stop him from going down a tangent that would do him no good. Steeling herself for a moment, she cut to the heart of the matter with the precision and efficiency of a surgeon, asking more leading questions in hope of clarifying the situation, both for her peace of mind and Jonas' well being. "You told me once that Fitz was...abrasive when it came to feelings." She started, attempting to put it as politely as she could. Erin paused, considering for a moment. "Do you think...maybe he acted that way because he was trying to hide his feelings from you?" [break][break]
In her head, she likened it to a little boy on the playground, teasing girls that he liked rather than being kind to them. Except, in this situation they were both in college and the teasing was more so shutting down emotionally. She smiled at Jonas in order to comfort him, to convince him to think back to their exchange that morning and analyze it as she did. "I know you two are close, but maybe he was pushing you away because he felt afraid and vulnerable with you there?"
[attr="class","boxo-notes"]i would die for her [newclass=".skep-holder"]width:500px;margin:0 auto;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);background:#e6bf05;height:280px;width:220px;position: absolute;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tiny"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);width:10px;height:6px;position:absolute;background:#4c3736;margin-left:220px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);width:180px;height:30px;position:absolute; margin-top: 226px;margin-left:320px;background:#e6bf05;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag a"]color:#fff!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-img img"]margin-top: 5px;margin-left:50px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content"]padding:90px 50px 30px 50px;font-size:9.2px;line-height:14px;font-family:arial;background:#fefefe;margin-top:-60px;border-bottom:solid 1px #eee;border-right:solid 1px #eee;border-left:solid 1px #eee;color:#555;text-align:justify;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape-cont"]position:absolute;color:#fefefe; margin-top: 60px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content b"]color:#e6bf05;font-size:9px; [/newclass] [newclass=".lyr1"]font-family:arial black;font-size:15px;letter-spacing:-1px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr2"]font-family:arial black;font-size:40px;margin-top:-20px;letter-spacing:-5px;color:#f5f5f5;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr3"]font-family:arial black;font-size:90px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-90px;margin-left:140px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr4"]font-family:arial;font-size:10px;text-transform:uppercase;letter-spacing:3px;margin-top:-5px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago"]color:#fff;margin-left:50px;margin-top:10px;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago a"]color:#fff;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr5"]font-family:arial black;font-size:70px;margin-top:-20px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-30px;margin-left:-12px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr6"]font-family:arial black;font-size:25px;letter-spacing:-1px;margin-left:25px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=.ray-img img]shape-outside:circle(45%)!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".boxo-notes"]font-family:arial narrow; background:#e6bf05; color:#777; text-align:center; text-transform:uppercase; height:60px; line-height:60px; font-size:8px; color:#fff; border:solid 1px #ddd; [/newclass] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 24, 2020 22:50:10 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2020 22:50:10 GMT
"Do you think...maybe he acted that way because he was trying to hide his feelings from you?"
Jonas's eyes unfocused, seeing into the past twenty-four hours, using Erin's question as a scalpel to pick it apart and see if something that made sense could be found. As he scraped back layer after layer, he gently started shaking his head, his mouth moving while his thoughts still spun. "But what feelings? What would've changed between last night and this morning?"
He came back to the moment when she spoke again. He was still misty-eyed but didn't care about Erin being there to witness it - she'd seen him cry almost as often as smile in their time together. Particularly at the beginning, there.
"With me there?" Jonas echoed. The hand loosely curled around his coffee cup started to quiver, making the dark surface twitch. The darkest, most fearful and most self-destructive cleft in Jonas's soul had thrown out a toxic lasso of thought. He couldn't help it, it was around his neck in an instant like a noose, dragging him deeper and deeper.
"You think maybe- I don't know, maybe this morning he realized-" Another tear fell while he swallowed down more. "That it was actually better?" Jonas looked up at Erin again, his heart, which had regained so much life and vitality and warmth in the past twenty-four hours, unraveling. "Life," he clarified, "was better. Without me... in it?" | . . . Don't take this the wrong way You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you ... jonas @erin |
[googlefont=Dancing Script] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2020 1:40:02 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","skep-holder"] [attr="class","skep-tiny"] [attr="class","skep-shape"] [attr="class","skep-shape-cont"] [attr="class","lyr1"]I won't let you, let
[attr="class","lyr2"]you give up
[attr="class","lyr3"]+ [attr="class","lyr4"]on a miracle when
[attr="class","lyr5"]! [attr="class","lyr6"] it might
[attr="class","lyr2"]save you
[attr="class","skep-tag"] [attr="class","skep-tago"]
tag: @jonas // wordcount: 228 [attr="class","skep-img"] [attr="class","skep-content"] [attr="class","ray-img"] Erin's face fell, her words managing to produce the opposite effect to what she'd intended. As Jonas progressively began to look more and more hurt, her heart twisted painfully in response, feeling the pain directly through the empathic channel that ran between them. She squeezed Jonas' hand, shaking her head in effort to catch him before he spiraled out of control. [break][break]
"Jonas, honey, look at me." She said, doing what she could to meet the hurt in his eyes. "I strongly believe that's not what he thought. I think..." The pause gave her a moment to think, reorganizing her words in a way that would make the most sense. "I think he got scared...of what, I'm not one-hundred percent sure, but from what it sounds like...it sounds like he was worried your opinion of him would change somehow." [break][break]
She held Jonas' gaze, as if she could will him to listen intently to her with just the look on her face. "That made him feel vulnerable or like he was backed into a corner, and so he reacted the way you told me he does...by being abrasive. Shutting down." Erin explained further, and watched him inquisitively. She desperately hoped she was making some sort of sense, drawing some sort of connection rather than the negative ones Jonas had voiced. "I think he was scared you'd hurt him emotionally..."
[attr="class","boxo-notes"]i would die for her [newclass=".skep-holder"]width:500px;margin:0 auto;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);clip-path:polygon(100% 0,100% 58%,38% 100%,0 79%,0 0);background:#e6bf05;height:280px;width:220px;position: absolute;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tiny"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);clip-path:polygon(0 0,0% 100%,100% 100%);width:10px;height:6px;position:absolute;background:#4c3736;margin-left:220px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag"]-webkit-clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);clip-path:polygon(21% 0,100% 0,100% 100%,0 100%);width:180px;height:30px;position:absolute; margin-top: 226px;margin-left:320px;background:#e6bf05;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tag a"]color:#fff!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-img img"]margin-top: 5px;margin-left:50px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content"]padding:90px 50px 30px 50px;font-size:9.2px;line-height:14px;font-family:arial;background:#fefefe;margin-top:-60px;border-bottom:solid 1px #eee;border-right:solid 1px #eee;border-left:solid 1px #eee;color:#555;text-align:justify;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-shape-cont"]position:absolute;color:#fefefe; margin-top: 60px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-content b"]color:#e6bf05;font-size:9px; [/newclass] [newclass=".lyr1"]font-family:arial black;font-size:15px;letter-spacing:-1px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr2"]font-family:arial black;font-size:40px;margin-top:-20px;letter-spacing:-5px;color:#f5f5f5;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr3"]font-family:arial black;font-size:90px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-90px;margin-left:140px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr4"]font-family:arial;font-size:10px;text-transform:uppercase;letter-spacing:3px;margin-top:-5px;margin-left:20px;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago"]color:#fff;margin-left:50px;margin-top:10px;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".skep-tago a"]color:#fff;font-size:8px;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:arial;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr5"]font-family:arial black;font-size:70px;margin-top:-20px;opacity:0.3;position:absolute;margin-top:-30px;margin-left:-12px;letter-spacing:-5px;[/newclass] [newclass=".lyr6"]font-family:arial black;font-size:25px;letter-spacing:-1px;margin-left:25px;text-transform:uppercase;[/newclass] [newclass=.ray-img img]shape-outside:circle(45%)!important;[/newclass] [newclass=".boxo-notes"]font-family:arial narrow; background:#e6bf05; color:#777; text-align:center; text-transform:uppercase; height:60px; line-height:60px; font-size:8px; color:#fff; border:solid 1px #ddd; [/newclass] |
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last online May 17, 2024 10:49:08 GMT
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May 25, 2020 18:03:26 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 25, 2020 18:03:26 GMT
Just when the tangle of darkest thoughts had him at the edge of a cliff, dragging him over, Erin was there. Her hand squeezed his. Her eyes found his. And with words and that unquantifiable inner light that Erin always had, she lovingly pried the knots corded around Jonas's throat loose.
Through the pitching and rolling despair, Jonas found her like a north star. His breathing was shallow, like he was doing it through a straw, but the panic couldn't spiral any further under Erin's steady stare.
He listened to Erin carefully, thoughtfully plucking each jagged barb biting into Jonas's heart and laying them out in a line to make sense of. Or a doctor looking at an x-ray and seeing a world of hidden information in what, to untrained eyes, was a mass of blue-white pigments.
Erin's theorizing gave him something to focus on. Jonas devoured each word. By the end of it, he was much calmer, but his eyes still leaked and his lower lip trembled faintly. "I would never- could never," he said, countering Erin's guess that Fitz was worried Jonas would hurt him emotionally. At least... He wouldn't intentionally.
How much had Jonas being in Ftiz's life already harmed him. Tied mostly back to the common evil of John Parker, but still.
Jonas took a deep breath and let it out in a shudder. He closed his eyes, which squeezed out a pair of tears that'd been waiting to fall, and brought Erin's hand up to his forehead, pressing the middle of his brow against it. "Shutting down," Jonas echoed belatedly, still with eyes closed. "Jerk. Shutting down with me?"
He wasn't going to let him pull that crap with him, Jonas decided. How stupid was Fitz, to think anything would change Jonas's opinion of him? He resolved, stubbornly and fiercely, to not let Fitz get away with it. To confront him. And that resolution brought sudden peace and content on Jonas.
All that Erin said made sense. He'd talked to her about Fitz more than any other person - even his therapist. That knowledge combined with Erin's inexplicable omnipotence about people's hearts, and each "theory" was as good as an official diagnosis.
"Thanks, Rin," he said, then finally lowered her hand and smiled at her over their untouched coffees. "You're seriously the best friend in the whole world." Jonas's smile staggered, hung up on something his mind pointed out smugly to him. Why hadn't he said "girlfriend?" Jonas looked at Erin significantly, thoughts spilling and overflowing in his head.
The moment of clarity that his decision to confront Fitz was expanding onto other matters in his chest. Jonas thought of how he'd mishandled the situation with Erin the day before. How, instead of angry - about anything but his safety - she'd turned around and counseled him with love and tenderness. That's not how a couple behaved. Even Jonas, with his naivety and limited experience knew.
That's how best friends behaved.
"Erin..." Jonas's chest felt tight as he stared the woman in the eyes. His brain jumped back months and months, starting an avalanche of facts and memories that mounted, rushing forward to the conclusion that was about to leave his mouth. "I don't know if this is what we need. I think we did - me probably way more than you - when we got together. We needed each other, in this way but..."
Jonas wasn't frightened in the slightest. Somehow this topic was as natural as how they held each other's hands; as sharing a cup of coffee together; as fiercely hugging one another. "I needed a friend this morning, and that's what you were. That's what you are. It's..." Finally his words fumbled, not able to speak his heart anymore in a way that made sense, but Erin's eyes were tearing up...
And not in sadness. | . . . Don't take this the wrong way You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you ... jonas @erin |
[googlefont=Dancing Script] |
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