|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2021 14:34:46 GMT
Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2021 14:34:46 GMT
If there was ever a time that she felt like a blonde in a room full of brunettes this was the time but she simply shook her short hair out and stood up. "I am actually going to be trustful on this but I will go on the record of saying that I feel like the both of you are doing the one thing that always got me in trouble when I was younger and that is avoiding true subject matters." It was not like she could jump on them even if she wanted to because she did not want to be a hypocrite at least not in the ways that mattered at the end of the day. None the less she knew that lately she had not been getting anywhere near enough exercise so the idea of walking was actually going to be a good one for her and she never wanted it to appear like she would ever be guilty of not getting in enough exercise. "Can we at least walk the way with the least amount of trees since I have not been a fan of dark spaces since Flynn died really." It was still something she pretty much did not talk about but every once in a while she felt like it made her realize that she was still connected to the world if she mentioned it. "Is that a yes?" Vivian Carter@murmur
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2021 0:00:13 GMT
Oh right in some weird twist of web and dimensional crossings of separations Parker was her aunt or aunt in law though she did not believe in things like marriage so she was taking the much more simple route and just calling her an aunt from here on out when she thought about it. "I forget that you are pretty much my aunt," she said with a slight hint of forgiveness in her voice. It was so strange how two women who acted so different and had been through the same thing as her as far as losing a family member seemed to be as lost as she was when it came to actually discussing anything about her dad.
"If either of you are holding back talking about him because of me do not let that stop you. I mean i have seen enough pictures and videos and I do have the first sixteen years of my life as memories so I do not think that it hurts me as much as it does either of your or my mother for that matter. I know that sometimes it seems like people think just because they never see me cry that I do not but I miss him as much as anyone else it is just I also realized at a very early time after he passed that my life had to go on because it was what he wanted hence my other side of being dedicated to numbers but yes I agree with Parker, the part without the trees would be perfect."
@murmur @parker
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2021 14:09:45 GMT
"I don't hold back when it comes to my brother and honestly I am getting tired of holding back when it comes to my husband's death but I am respectful which is something that I have learned to be as I have gotten older. A lot of what we do when we are young and when we are older like life is subjective and that will always be how it is and yet people still expect certain things but I do know the one thing that the three of us share is a healing process." She knew that was something that no one could run from no matter how they wanted to and she was not trying to but she did know that they were different from her and would always be and so she simply stood up. "Come on let's no lose our focus for right now that is Vivian." There she was she supposed in her own way brushing things off when that was the last thing that she wanted to do or make them feel like that they had to do. "Unless Parker has something to say but if not we should walk and let the moment capture us." @parker Vivian Carter
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2021 14:15:12 GMT
She often wondered if this was perhaps like beating a dead horse to death though when someone was already dead could that even be a phrase that was used. She did not know but she did know that she needed to pull herself together and not think about it because Parker knew that she would cry. She had literally felt like with every man that she had ever been with she had been a different version of herself and that was not good back then but she appreciated all that she had went through now more than anything but all the men had disappeared either by her cutting off communication or any other means like death. "Staying focused sounds good honestly and I just get way more emotional when I start discussing it anyway than I should ever allow myself but that is how emotions are and we can not always control them so right now Vivian we will walk and if it comes up later then it does but if it does not then that is not something that we should look at as a bad thing either." She shrugged as she ran her hair through her hair. "Ugh, this Karen haircut is getting on my nerves, time to add some more length to it." Vivian Carter@murmur
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2021 14:31:55 GMT
"It honestly would be bad if we got distracted by something that we had no plans for." She did notk now if she was in more or less hurt than them but she knew that if they were wanting to focus then that was something that she needed to do as well and she would never be one not to follow the way that she needed to. In a way she liked to think that her numerical precision kept her in order which was also something that she seen as a bad side effect but it was okay in the end, order was good because without it you sat on the line of chaos and that was the last thing that she personally wanted to be apart of.
She stood up. "The two of you should know that I am going to be counting the paces in my head, it is not something that can be helped and plus if I get lost somewhere it always lets me know just about how many steps i need to take in order to get back to a place that should be familiar to me and my surroundings are always important." She supposed her real clue that something was different with her had all started in a classroom which considering that her mom had taught at a school was all the drippings of irony in a basket but right now that was the past and not her focus. "Lead the way Faye," she said.
@murmur @parker
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Feb 14, 2021 14:41:43 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2021 14:41:43 GMT
She began to walk with them and she took a few seconds because it was hard to know about death and the impact of what it had on everyone and how others chose to deal with it. "I never believe that it's a final stage so I also accept things differently than others. I mean phases of life and age are just things that happen but at the end of the day when we no longer walk this earth those are not the things that define us. People want to know what we accomplished and how it made us feel and that is what others remember about us too. What we did for them, the last conversations that we had it's not a happy thought which explains all the tears that fall and such." Water no matter how much she tried to deny it and not mention it water circulated back to everything and it was nowhere near the best feeling in the world but it was the one thing that seemed to exist the most and always get us back to where we were. "I hated all the crying that I have done over the years because while it has made me stronger it has also made me see that tears do not bring anything back and that time once things have changed still ticks on. So the strong me these days in this time is a far far shallow of a shade from the young carefree woman that I used to be." @parker Vivian Carter
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Feb 15, 2021 17:02:43 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2021 17:02:43 GMT
When she was younger there was a point in time where she had wanted to feel everything and what she did feel she put into music and even as she was older she thought that this happened now and that was why she had chosen to go the whole hero route but the truth was emotions were still as much of a roller coaster now as they had ever been and that was not something that she liked but it was her own thing to deal with and see how she felt about it in the end. "I think that walking and focusing helps with everything," she said as she ran her hands through her hair. It had gotten so thin over the years that she was thinking about letting her natural brown come through but the truth was that she liked the blonde too much so for now it stayed. "I guess I just do not look back too much. I mean if you look back you will never move forward and that is too much considering that life goes forward even when we wish that it would not and that is something that I learned forever ago but goes everywhere with me until this day and I think that is the best for all of us unless either of you thinks that it is not be then I guess we could deal with that as well while we walk." Vivian Carter@murmur
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Feb 18, 2021 23:01:38 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2021 23:01:38 GMT
She knew that she had been in a stranger place than usual lately and listening to them speak perhaps even seemingly being expected to have something else to say that she supposed should be a way of something to help them was something that made her feel slightly inadequate. She could do things with numbers and see them in ways that others could not but she supposed conversations like this she shied away from in the worst of ways.
"Well good thing that we are not looking towards the past because hearing the two of you talk about it opens up sadness in me and that is not anything I want to spend any number of days on. Besides with me it could as easily been something as slightly shameful as cabin fever considering that the fresh air is truly helping me right now." She also liked the fact that she could be honest and no one was going to jump on her for that was the main difference being with these two. Perhaps it was because they were not as smart as her mother and she could tell a small lie and it not be shown in how she might have proceeded after for sometimes being around people who were not super smart was a blessing in disguise.
@murmur @parker
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2021 13:55:04 GMT
"I agree completely we are doing what we need and that is making us all stronger because if we keep looking at the past then we are going to never move forward and as the both of you know I like moving forward. It's not that I do not appreciate my past for what it did to me but my future is strong and so are the both of yours and that needs to be the point of focus from here on out because we have things to do and I am personally tired of putting them off." She sounded annoyed but she was not annoyed. The truth of the matter was that she just had focused so long that she did not want to lose sight of this because to her that would be worse and that was the last thing that she wanted period. "Come on let's go up right here, it's a bit of steep climb but going to be completely worth every step." She knew as much as she hated to admit it being connected to these two over the years was going to pay off she just did not know how yet. "The more we walk in this direction the more that our steps will need to be lighter so let's not forget that I do not want anyone to fall." @parker Vivian Carter
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online May 15, 2024 0:24:11 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2021 14:57:37 GMT
The walks with Faye were always odd but somehow informative and she liked that though she also knew that at times it was also hard to understand but it was okay. Sometimes it was better not to know things until they happened that way that you did not judge and somehow managed to ruin anything else since she knew in her youth she had done a lot of that and she did not like it. "What's at the top or at the end?" It was always confusing to her what the actual difference was but no matter she did not have time to mess around and be picky over the differences now and even if she did it was the last thing that she wanted. "Vivian," she finally said to break the awkward silence. "Everything will be okay and when Gigi is finally discharged then you should know that we will do what we can to help you get or do anything that you need. We don't just say that and do not mean it." She knew that a lot of times when a person needed help or a hand it was hard for them to ask because of how they had been done in the past but thankfully this was different. Vivian Carter@murmur
|
|
|
|